Dropped by the stroke ward again today to visit my long case patient. Wasn't planning to do any examinations today, told him that but he didn't seem to believe it lol. And then he offered to let me do some work on him, saying he didn't mind, so I thought I might as well do a cardio exam on him today. Oh my oh my I sure didn't know what would be coming up then. I knew he had a patent foramen ovale from the echo results he had previously and from what he had told me about his little hole in the heart, but certainly wasn't expecting to hear anything different from normal from that. So everything was normal until it was time to ascultate his mitral area. :S... what on eart is this I hear. Sssssshhhh dup Ssssssshhhhhhh dup. Oooook. Find his radial pulse and tried to time it with the sound. Hmm..... so first heart sound was the one where the murmur is. But I wasn't expecting to hear it and I guess I must have looked worried/ puzzled? Because he then asked me what did I find after I finished. Immediately warning bells rang in my head. But considering I was already ... 'caught out' I thought I might as well tell him what I heard. After hearing what I said he looked a little puzzled... and worried possibly since this was the first time the murmur was mentioned to him apparently so I offered to let him hear with my stethoscope. He couldn't really hear it. So I made him lie back down on the bed, check that I could hear it and gave it to him to hear. At this point I could tell he was a little worried even though he couldn't pick out what I heard so I offered to get the house surgeon on the ward.

Poor WT because he was busy with ward work but then since I'd already made poor Mr G worried he thought he better come and listen now. WT never listened to Mr G's heart before and therefore was quite surprised when he picked it up. Offered to go through his echo results to check what it was. Then came back and slowly explained it over to Mr G. By the time it finished it was quarter past four. I first came to get WT at about 20 to four. :O ..... I felt kinda bad for putting Mr G through the stress and then making WT finish late since his actual finishing time was supposed to be 4pm. Accck. I need to develop my poker face perhaps. Didn't get to stay to talk long to Mr G after that since his wife then came.

Before that though he was telling me how he was feeling a little down that morning. Because the guy in the bed opposite had got to go home for a day and he couldn't. At least the OT has offered to check out his home this Wednesday and assess if that were possible for him. I do hope it works out considering I seem to hear from a couple of patients how bored they were there. Times like these make me want to give the person in front of me a nice big hug and tell them I'm sorry as well but then I doubt that's forgivable as a professional. I just use touches to communicate. I can't say thank you to patients for letting me do unnecessary examinations on them verbally. Partly because it feels false, and saying it loudly doesn't seem right to me either because some of them are pretty hard of hearing. So touching them on their hands lets me tell them what I wish to say.

Strokes are so much more interesting. Probably something I've said before. But sometimes when one sees and thinks about the devastation that it leaves behind I feel kind of sad as well. My bedside tutorial today was about strokes, focussing on non-motor aspects. The first lady we saw made my heart ache. A nice cute grandmotherly looking old lady. All smiley and happy to try and help as much as she could. But she could barely speak for she had non fluent dysphasia. I asked her why she was here, and she could only barely get the word brother out and even then I had to guess it. She couldn't understand very well complicated instructions, such as scratch her head, even with a visual clue. But worse was the fact that her insight was intact as I could see her clearly struggling to get the words out and look plain frustrated when she couldn't understand what the instructions meant. Yet through it all she kept trying to smile. It was heartening to hear at least from Dr H that she had improved quite a bit since when she first came in she could practically make no sound. I wonder how much she understood what was written on the get well cards I saw on her bedside table? I wonder how it feels to have to watch someone you love go through that sort of struggle with something so basic that we all take for granted?

Yet at the same time, not all is sad. Mrs H has her husband who comes in everyday. Mr G's wife visits everyday as well. I feel touched and warm inside when I see Mr H wheel his wife about in her wheelchair and take her out for walks when it's sunny and still. When he watches her learn to walk again and follows her to her physiotherapy sessions and provides moral support and encouragement. I guess with stroke, while it takes, it brings out the love in people as well.

And on Sunday was SS jie jie's 'toilet-warming' party. Rather the toilet was an excuse to meet up with friends and catch up. Dress code was to include something .... toilety? I donned my pyjamas and wrapped a towel around my head and took the bus from home in that. I bet Hui who saw me at the bus station in my jammies must have thought I had lost a couple of screws. The bus driver sure looked at me odd. Hehe. And people slowed down and stared somewhat as I paraded down Ric Rd to the bus stop. Somewhat that was oddly fun. Even if it probably was the wrong sort of attention. Should I blame my parents for not making me the youngest or making too many kids and hence causing my unquenceable desire for attention??? Lol.