Happiness is really a very simple thing to achieve I've realised. Opportunities for little rays of happiness to fill us are everywhere but often are not given enough attention. I realised this when I saw this pretty little gingko leaf fluttering to the ground. Such a pleasant shade of yellow, such a graceful shape, it was beautiful. For a moment my worries that afternoon looking for a suitable person to interview melted away and seemed distant and insignificant. I wonder why in the midst of things, little joys that make me happy fall by the side ignored. I looked out the bus and felt warm rays of sun, saw a great big green field, saw a glorious blue sky, fluffy white clouds, the puzzling but cute streak of white falling through the sky, and the autumn look of trees heading into winter and felt content to enjoy the my bus ride while I can. Happiness can be a simple three word phrase, or even single words that all children share.

Yet what puzzles me is thinking back now how when I'm sad nothing will get through the dark cloud that settles around my head, allowing me to do nothing but ruminate my sad lonely thoughts. Funny how Dr C said that those in the medical profession are different when they get depression. They function normally even if they are depressed, they go on and on and on until they crash, and when they do they go utterly out. When I'm sad that's what I do. Immerse in everything around me, work, study and pretend around friends. Nothing shows. Nobody guesses. It's almost like a game of hide and seek where I'll always be the best hider that no one finds. But because I'm the best hider, I can't come out to the seeker because that means I lose.

I was asked if I ever get stressed. Thinking back now, how often do I get stressed. Not very often probably. A lot of my stress comes from my feeling unprepared for exams, hormonal fluctuations that happen to coincide with little incidences that push me off the edge (which normally wouldn't), and most of all the weather, housing... living environment. Living in better conditions now as I approach winter makes me realise how poor living conditions affected me before.

...Olga found him lying on his back looking at the clouds and asked him what he was doing. "I like to think and wonder," Alexei replied. Olga asked him what he liked to think about. "Oh, so many things," the boy responded. "I enjoy the sun and the beauty of summer as long as I can. Who knows whether one of these days I shall not be prevented from doing it?"...