Looking at the sales from last week, for my 11 hours, I made 600+ sales.... but it fell short of the predicted targets. T_T Sad. Oh well. Sometimes I wonder if my weekly five and a half to six hours or so of standing will predispose me to varicose veins... especially when it's a slow day, and even more so when the night before I happen to notice little veins under the thin skin on the sides of my feet.... :S!!

Holidays have started at last. Had made use of the piano at the hospital for practice once so far. Currently working on that sunflower piece. Took me half an hour to work through that first two lines... not that they are particularly hard, just that with all that jumping around it's hard to be very accurate with the aiming.... and blah blah blah excuses for rusty fingers. Gaaaah! More practice is needed which means more trips sometime soon.

Will have to work out soon when to get together with Michy to bake as I had promised. And will have to make some baking as well and then find a good day to visit Mr G. And at the same time drop by Mrs S as well. Perhaps I should pay Margaret a visit as well and maybe show her my 'hairless wonder'. Apart from Margaret, I wonder if visiting the them would actually be ok? Perhaps I do have a soft spot for old people?! :S! Lol. More like I feel bad if I felt like I've used them. Might get the Worm to help me with one of the baking projects that I'm eyeing and maybe use that for the Su's for being so kind at the start of the year. Hurrah for kitchen slaves!

Poor nana was trapped in a hotel room on Nana's day. I wonder if offering to lend my beatley bug out constitutes as uninformed consent now that I think of it. I never asked if that was ok with Beatley buggy. Heh heh. What a bunch of silly words I've picked up. And 'acopia' I would never have known if I wasn't told them by precisely the same people who never wanted them used. Lol.

I've a feeling I need a kick in the butt to get myself started properly on the ethics essay. I've been promising myself I'm going to get it done before the worm comes down, so sign of that happening yet. -_-"'!

Will have to tell the worm too that she'll have to either spend one night with her buttey, or drop by the pharmacy to get the keys off me to let herself in, or drop in after 9pm .... hm.... hm....

Right, I feel like hugging my beatley bug now so that's all for now. Kweeee~

Saw tofu patties that A brought to school for lunch the other day that her mum had made for her. Immediately the greedy porker I was remembered grandma's 'protein balls' made of tofu. Mmmm. Must have some. But patties would certainly make it more portable for school lunches. So bus-ed out to Kosco just to get the tofu and then some breadcrumbs (this I'm pretty sure grandma never used though) from PnS. Got home, squeezed some of the water out of them tofu blocks (man paper towels just don't cut it, I want a proper cloth for this!) but not well enough since the result was still pretty moist, and then peanut butter, some pepper, some salt, some dried shrimp, some soy sauce, some salt, some sesame oil, some oats, some breadcrumbs, some ground ginger and garlic.... and some more of that yummy crunchy peanut butter, ball it up, roll it in crumbs again. You would think that it sounds horribly salty. Turns out that more salt was still needed actually. And more peanuts. And despite how horrible and how much I detest coriander.... I think it needed some of that stinky herb grandma loves to chuck in. Gaaaah.... what else is missing? Another thing to squeeze out of my grandma when I get back.

Had a chance at catheterising a guy today. Only problem was I didn't hold it up stiff enough and so it couldn't quite get past the stricture. That and no pee came out, even after the house surgeon stuck it all the way in. :S .... took it out cos she said never leave one in unless one is confident where it is. And haven't put a line in succesfully for ages now. Not that I've gotten much chance at it so far. Gaaaah.... My skills are going to turn munted soon.

What am I thinking now?? I should be studying for the psych interview OSCE thingy tomorrow.... but I'm not in the mood.... sweat....

Lol, this is what one produces with paint when one has too much time on her hands.

Weather today was crazy! Forecast was for the southerlies with heavy showers and snow. Morning came. Hmm.... northwester blowing. Cool but not cold. Fine. Blue sky. Crunchy leaves underfoot. Birds flying past and playing in the trees. Riiight. Stupid weatherman. And boy did he have the last laugh. Afternoon came around and it started pouring heaps. I got out to catch the bus to work and if it wasn't for my precious umbrella I would have ended up looking like I've just been swimming. And I was only walking for less than 5 minutes probably to the bus stop. Ek! And shiver while I waited for the bus to come along. Evening came by, and it snowed. The signboard for the pharmacy got covered in an inch of snow that before closing time I decided to just put it out of its misery by wiping the snow off (and freezing my fingers at the same time) and bringing it in. Just as well Jim gave me a ride home (as usual, I'm such a leeeeeech ^^!) for catching a bus in that weather would have been crazy.

Will have to look through geriatic psych stuff soon in prep for next week. For some reason I can't seem to get interviews successful unless it has been pre-arranged for me to meet them. Psych ward time are good in that I do end up getting info from the patients I'm interviewing. Go on my own to K2 and I get nowhere. Twice now. That certainly can't be by chance. Sigh. Something wrong with me or something wrong with the person on the other end. Next time I'll do what Croucher suggested. Stop it and ask directly. I wonder if psychiatrists are generally cool people. And geriatrictions (who are also pretty slow-ish and laid-back). Because that's what it seems. And if surgeons are kinda the impatient and occasionally ill-mannered ones. But then so far, only surgery and the psych parts are interesting. The problems list of the elderly are just too much for me. Give me surgery where it's wham bam only one problem to tackle and that's it. Ugh. And don't get me started on murmurs. Man I hate lousy hearts. For some reason my ears hear the same thing on everyone, and I only hear the difference after it's been pointed out. Then it's kinda like... yea... I think so.... -_-"'

I feel fat. For some reason this year I've gotten hooked on anything chocolate. I'm still the same weight. It's good I guess, but on the other hand I've been wanting to get back to my previous weight, i.e. before I came here. Damn. Sometimes I really do want to get a knife out and slice off the parts I hate. I've wondered if I punctured myself with a big needle and then stuck a straw in, and sucked really hard, would it work like liposuction??? It makes me wish almost that I've got a job as a model or something to give me the determination to get it down. Lol. Daily 40 hour famines. I'll probably end up binging instead afterwards. Arrrgh. I swear if I ever hit the overweight margin of the BMI scale I'm going to jump off the twin towers, and let that be a lesson to all who let themselves grow fat.

I've handed in my long case for HCE, and still seeing Mr G daily. It's really nice to see that he's improving all the time, though I don't really think he would actually get full function back in his foot and back of the leg, or the fingers. These parts still can't move very well on their own whereas all the other muscle groups can now.

Sometimes I wonder if I would be able to live with myself if I had to lose that much function in my body. A toe maybe. A finger or a leg or a half of my body ..... would I still want to go on? This sounds so bad that it almost seems like I'm passing judgement, and when I'm telling the people I see to hang on they'll get better, but for myself, without my fingers I can't really see myself surviving without them. There really seems no point almost. I like walking. If I ever had to lose a leg, would I still be content to live? At this point it seems not. I used to think that if I had a choice, I rather be hurt really really bad that I wouldn't survive than be be hurt some and have to live with some part of me gone. With dementia I probably wouldn't mind living on unless I know I'm demented, though that's bloody unlikely. But I can't imagine if a loved one became so demented that they couldn't recognise me at all. Would I still be able to bring myself to see them? To love them? I hear of people with their loved ones changing so much, turning aggressive, physically and mentally, with their dementia. A niece refused to continue caring for a aunt after being physically attacked. Would I be the same? On one hand one thinks how terrible of the niece. But on the other, one can only put up with so much hurt before one has to withdraw.
I wish my brain would think less sometimes. -_-"'

Things have been so-so lately. I've sent in a half and roughly done haoura write up. Not much good it seems as yet since P would be away until the next tute, which means I could have just forgotten about it until then and not bothered walking all the way there to get it in. *sweat* Saw Prof S today on the way down from the museum after pathology and good news, so far my draft for the long case looks good. ^^ More good news? I don't need to redo the abdo exam during the next core skills session. Apparently Prof A discussed it with Prof F and they cancelled it, including those who failed. Turns out we unfortunates ran out of time. Lol. Bugger with intro to fake patients I say and those stupid obs from the end of the bed. It's going to be a normal person lying there, why should I bother -_-"'.

Holidays are coming up around the corner. Not really much planned. Apart from doing cooking to fatten up my worm (and maybe do some fishing at the end of the holidays), and stuffing my stinky pet sock in the worm's face to share in the joy of all things smelly, making worm slave away doing my laundry, tidying my room, making my bed, blah blah blah. Lol. And maybe start on the darned ethics essay due in a month or so. Arrgh. I've done one for surg, one for HCE, and now another for the PD thread?! Sigh.

Examining a patient today to do my short case on gave me one example of where it might not be a good idea to resuscitate at all costs. She didn't look too bad at the moment, apart from the fact that she's here for rehab for her fractured neck of femur. But on talking to her, I found out that she's been finding herself more and more fatigued, for a good part of the day now she finds herself so tired she just sleeps. She would sleep about 15 hours a day according to her. Worse in the past few months or so, but creeping on since 15 years ago. Her cardiac output is bad since she gets angina and chest pain. She's sick of it, and says the sooner it comes, the better for her. She certainly isn't depressed at the moment, and she's certainly competent. It's a little sad to hear her say that though listening to her, one has to agree with her almost. And Mr S has been diagnosed as dying. Meds stopped. Comfort cares. Looked really gone yesterday but perked up a little after a good dose of frusemide was given before the decision to withdraw was given. Only thing I can think of is how does it feel to have had a laryngectomy and not be able to talk like others and having to learn of new ways to speak (not that I've ever heard him speak either).

I wonder why I can't even stay awake long enough for a half hour lecture these days when I used to go for a good three hours or more at Colquhoun?? I like to think it's because I'm working hard. But I doubt it. If anything, I'm probably lazier. Or does laziness makes a person sleepier? I'm sleepy. Going to wake up early to catch the social worker to chat to him tomorrow. Time to sleep now.

And home visit was cancelled on me this morning for the second time now. Grrr. Re-scheduled to this coming monday afternoon. Arrrgh. They better not make me re-schedule again. It's hard to make plans that way.

Internet is slowed down again... and will probably be like that for the next few days to weeks? Arrrgh!

Queen's birthday today. Work started from 9am until 3pm. Wasn't too bad today, moderate amount of people coming in through the door, though a good part were scripts. The happiest moment was when I sold a bottle of Audiclean. Yes! Printed out a second receipt and chucked it into the staff incentive bag. Hopefully at the end of the incentive period I'll get an extra dollar for it. Sounds sad. A dollar. Lol. Must try to sell more. Sold one once, but then didn't realise I had to print out the receipt though and now it's too long ago so that's one lost now. All this while on the staff progress sheets I've been making about 300+ in sales. Somehow it's hard to imagine having sold that much, so for the first time I made note of it, and so it was. Got to about 330+ in sales. Can't imagine how that built up. And since the witch-hunt for people not checking their areas of responsibility for outdated goods is still ongoing, I've gone through mine quite thoroughly, and a bit of the other areas as well. Chucked out quite a bit more expired goods. Mostly eye drops, moisturising creams and some facial scrubs. Short dated ones I found were mostly from the 'bowel' area.... mainly metamucil products essentially. Couple of benefiber bottles. Lol.

Still ongoing with the maori project. I've no idea how to classify some of the stuff she's told me. Which question should they go under?? I guess a trip to Mihi would be in place sometime soon to get it straightened out.

Been looking through some cake decorating ideas. The two that I'm itching to try out and play with are plastic chocolate (or is it chocolate plastic? :S) and MM fondant. They look really exciting. And I'm still looking through for cake recipes that I can make into my mainstay recipe. Currently it's the chocolate wacky cake recipe on the back of the chocolate melts bag. Wonder why they call it mud cake though when it clearly is based on a wacky cake recipe. Vinegar and baking soda. *shrug* Found one recipe that I've yet to try and make though. Perhaps this weekend if I'm motivated enough.

Can't wait for Friday. Want to try and make those treasure egg bags thingy. Sounds more elegant than what it actually is. Heh. Eggs. Got 15 sitting in my room and 12 in the fridge. Yes, it's sad. My pantry space is so limited that I'm resorting to using my room as storage.