My team's new house surgeon was supposed to come in today. But didn't. Because she wasn't MRSA cleared yet. Poor A continues playing TI cum HS. The poor thing can barely keep up with the stuff she has to do. And I've no idea how to write out follow-up notes yet, and can't keep up with what the consultants or regs are saying and hence can't help her. And my team is ever growing smaller. Poor Mr W (who types a lot like Nanny, just one finger less, hehe... no offence of course, cos he types awfully well for single-finger typing... just a little too slow for my comfort... had this urge to ask if he'd mind I help out. An offer which of course never made it out of my mouth. I like brushes with danger, but on this occasion, cowardice won out.) fell off his moutain bike while adjusting his sunglasses going around a wet corner, broke his right clavicle and pulled (or did he actually break it??) a tendon in his left wrist. He came in to see Miss M while I was at her OP and my jaw nearly fell off. So he'll be out of action for some time now. I'm pretty sorry, cos he's overall pretty nice and a good teacher... and dare I risk it, quite good looking. Lol. Not that I'm after the old man. Somehow he reminds me lots of nanny :S (though like Misch puts it, seems to have a volatile quality about him, which hasn't had evidence to show for it yet though. Maybe how he looks stern at times??), just maybe not as long winded when explaining stuff, and nanny probably has a longer and flame-resistant fuse. Ok, maybe not very much like nanny. Just the typing bit. *Why do I sense my neck, or rather my ears are in so much trouble come Fri night??* None can match up to the volcano yet though, even though the volcano seem to be less active these days. Heh heh.

And I saw in OP today this little old lady I liked a lot as well. I don't know what was it about her though. Actually, in general, I quite like little old white haired ladies that are pleasing to the eye and well-natured, soft-spoken, and yet have this sprightlyness still. As in a lot. It makes me wanna hug them, but I don't, of course. But anyway, she came in for follow-up and had to have her seroma drained cos there was some fluid collection there again. She had the warmest hands ever. But it hurts watching her having needles put into her to have the drainage done cos I can tell when it goes in she felt quite uncomfortable. Maybe because I've seen her hurt more before, but somehow I felt wanting to be her knight in shining armour, but yet not knowing how. Good thing she's all better and getting discharged and I won't be seeing her again, hopefully. Goodness, reading this over, it looks like I'm rambling.

Tutes today were dead boring. Unfunnily boring. Boring that I didn't what to do to help myself stay awake properly. It all started with the lecture actually. EBM tute was a total disaster. I feel really bad for the guy that he'll have to think about how to change the teaching content to suit the surg run, considering that it means that all his previous efforts are wasted. Looking at his face, which somehow on the surface was devoid of emotion, yet looking rather strained, when Misch and I explained how we felt, made me feel really sorry that things went this way. I missed my gastro tute as well today because I was too engrossed in my OP and forgot about it entirely. I'll have to chase up my patients soon and then crash Friday's tute and report to Dr B who runs that tute.

Pharmacy training today as well. I met Nick. Who was a cytologist (stopped it in the end because it was making his eyes go nuts) and now studying to be a vet nurse. Likes animals heaps as well like a certain worm out there. But that's not my point. I really admire somehow people who have the courage to pursue their changing ambitions. And have the courage to start from the bottom later in life. And have the strength and tenacity to see them through it. I have strength and tenacity to force myself through medicine of course. Though I doubt if I really ever had the burning fiery passion in me for it in the first place. And I often wonder if I'm alone in this. I'm in medicine simply because of chance and of the friends I fell in with while in y13. Not that I really had the passion for a law cum sci double degree either. But I don't have any real passion in life now I feel. I'm continuing medicine because I feel that I can't turn back. I've put so much effort that I'm afraid I might not cope with myself should part of me ever choose to turn away from it. I like meeting patients of course, but not in the setting where I feel stressed as well, simply from wanting to get the info I need (but then I suck at history taking still as well). I want to enjoy their 'company' (?) as well. Does anyone understand that sentiment or am I the only one I wonder? But no, I'm a coward because I know should I ever develop a passion for something totally unrelated and which cannot include medicine, I know I can never be able to pursue it because part of me will never allow it. I'm passionless at the moment I feel, which when I think about it, is rather depressing as well. I'm excited at the things I'm learning, because they're novel, but once it's gone, then what? I'm probably wondering unnecessarily perhaps? Part of me aspires to be better, to be a passion driven person who'll be happy doing some job she loves dearly. Hopefully that passion can be cultivated. Hopefully it'll be something I see next year or later this year.

And I should sleep now because I wanna do ward rounds tomorrow. Might pop into ED and do a shift in the afternoon if Mr W isn't able to have OP :(