The trip up to Leslie Groves today was interesting. As 'forewarned' by coursemates, it was M.B. that played tutor for our trip. Perhaps it's just the way he is, that he doesn't shine in the lecture theatre but he does marvelously well in small groups tutoring and when interacting with patients. With the patients, he is really patient and kind, comfortable and comforting to have around, almost the perfect doctor.

I do tend to agree with him that in a way what we are doing with our visits are almost like a trip of immature children visiting a zoo filled with exotic animals that they've only heard of but never seen. That was the impression I had when we first started our workshop sessions. Somehow over time, I guess I had desensitized to it and took it as part of our routine and look at it, not so much as a show, but rather a presentation of facts. Facts, cold hard dead facts. That and no more. The face that came along with it for an hour or so did nothing to detract from the factual coldness of things, especially as exams and rat races loomed up. But a trip to Leslie Groves reawakened me from my trance. Yes, guy A did have P's and A's disease. Guy B had H's. So what? Thing's happened, so what? But deep down somewhere in me, it hurt to see it so stark naked as it was today. It is almost like revisiting bits of lit. that happened to come alive. It's not just so what, they had things going for them. Work, life, family... anything and everything all settled. Looking as beautiful as the set on Desperate Housewives, just without the desperate. But somehow, somewhere along the road, things just went down the drain.

Listening to Mr C. B. whom we met today, listening to the others, listening to M.B., I remembered why I told grandma I wanted to be like daddy when I grow up all those years ago, before other interests swept me away, before I became indecisive faced with the broad spectrum of choices. I remembered Mr Xie's last piece of advice to me. Yesterday I was complaining about how long more I had before I could graduate, how I would watch everyone around me graduate before I did. How disillusioned I had become it seems. Mr C.B. said one thing that I think sums the point of our visit today, 'it's your job to kick them out of their depression into stage five (acceptance)'. I will remember and work on.

The other lesson was to be grateful. I agree with Carol and M.B. who both told me, at different points in my life, that humans are just greedy creatures who will only want more and more despite what they have. I came closer to understanding nana's choices today. When I do take time to reflect on things, I do remember to be happy with what I have. I try to not be happy because I am better off, but to be happy purely because what I have is still mine. But somehow the thought never really stays for long. I admit I do yearn for better things. I yearn to get out of studentville and head north. I yearn for the day I can get that professional looking immaculate penthouse apartment in some big city. I yearn for many other things, and forget about what I have. But then sometimes I wonder, should I join the two instead? Surely one can be grateful and be contented and happy with what they have, and yet still be motivated enough to aim higher? Sounds somewhat counter-intuitive, but I wonder if it's possible. But I guess the main thing is that, even if we don't get what we want, we should still be happy with what we have at the moment? For I still have my purpose in life, I still have my family, I still have my eyes, I still have an intact body and mind.

p/s Congrats to wormy and her team on winning the first round of the season! *hugs*