Pictures from Chyi's camera from St. Clair Beach. Somehow the first picture looks almost tropical, like those you get only in mags. *ahhhhh!!! so beautiful!!!!! I like I like!!!*

Went out for lunch with Q today at Asian. It's amazing how cheap the food there is during lunchtime. Same stuff as for dinner, just loads cheaper. And despite the smaller and more typical sort of menu for lunchtime, there are still quite a few gems there. Mm... and talked quite a bit too... so that lunch took around two hours! Lol! And who would think that it's possible to get a hedgehog infestation in the middle of town?? Apparently the hedgehogs in their garden are chomping up Hero's and Dance's meals every day and there's two caught so far after D's left for work overseas... eeps!

Brought XL's bed down together with Chyi to Cash Convertors earlier today as well. It was easier than I had thought it would be, considering how much trouble it was to manouveur the darn thing last time. The pair of us must have been quite a sight, with a single bed between us walking down the street to the shop. It was rather packed as well in there, and so we had to 'park' the bed in the main part of the shop rather than bring it in into the trading area. Just as well the guy bought it, for I think Chyi and I would certainly throw a fit and do a Taz devil destruction combo if they rejected it!

Paid the power bill today too. Was holding off paying the telephone bill until later so that I could pay both the telephone and power bill together. And the power bill came one day after I decided to just pay the telephone bill. Sigh. And it was quite a bit more than I had expected though then again it was based on an estimate. I've no idea what the actual reading is either since I haven't checked, but that can wait until later once I lock up and leave the place for the last time next month.

And as we had promised to do, Chyi and I dropped by Lone Star for desserts! Yum Yum! But just as well I decided to not have dinner beforehand. The cheesecake I had was big, humongous! Never had I 1/8 of such a tall cake too! Nice, but it got a bit too rich. Now very full.. hoo hoo hoo! At least it's staved off my crazy cake cravings for probably quite some time now.

Sitting here at my laptop, I realised I forgot to add that there's one other common sound I hear throughout the day. The sound of big bugs like bumblebees crashing headlong into my glass windows. LOL! Quite a loud bump they make as well every time they do that. Silly things. I know better than to open my windows now too, especially the last time when I had to recycle one. Heh heh.

'I see dumb people o_O' by cool_slayer

Yeah, no kidding. I'm a winner alright *whoopededoo!*. Lookee what I got in my mailbox today *insert double big sweat thing smiley here*.


Yeah right. Very believable. If you want me to have that money so badly then use a more professional look, ok? And put in some freakin' effort to build up a story that I would believe about your donation and what not. Who the hell would believe in that crock of shit there written in English when the foundation is Italian?? 0_o"' And why would an idiot called Mr. Isah Nurudin (fcuk lah, use an Italian name too... why the hell would a Nurudin be working for an Italian foundation out of the blue?? Use a name listed on the website-lah you numskull!)
Please-lah, what lame-o 'foundation' gives out that much money to a poor sad student in Dud who's sole aspiration in life right now is to bite her sis's thumb and munch on a pupiak and who's up till now never heard of the foundation (or should I launch into a theory of some big brother who's got my contact details and brain workings filed up somewhere? *sweat*)? And for goodness sake, what sort of form is that? And next of kin?? What do you need that for? What on earth can anyone fill in there either? Stooopid. I feel sorry for your cerebral capacity Mr. Isah Nurudin and I, the ever-kind Mano-Mano, feel ashamed on your mum and dad's behalf that they could sire an anencephalic homo stupidus profoundus. *wipes a tear* [end of rant].
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And I've finally finished packing. The final size of all the boxes together is about 1 m3, more or less. What the heck?! Even after I've junked so much?! Even after I'm setting aside that whole box of bedding that would be given off once the nuts come down?! How can this be? Even after I've chucked some at pupiak too! *ahhhhhh.... faints*

Bored as usual down here. I'm missing classes now. Gimme an exam too! I don't mind! Being bored is even more stressful! The internet is getting a bit boring. Youtube is running out of interesting stuff. I laughed enough over the stuff at Videojug. Eeps.

For the first time in donkey years I've had a dream. Odd. Usually my brain just goes dead at night and can't be bothered to give me any live entertainment. Not that it was a great one. I doubt having fuel/gas tanks going kaboom opposite your house counts as nice. But so random.

Bought a pizza french loaf at NW today too. I've run out of bread now and having more Weetbix with peanut butter for lunch (after I had it this morning) is boring. And I'll have to finish up my noodle soup concoction (mmm... seaweed!) and then I'll start boiling up the green beans and hopefully finish that over two days or so. Ho ho ho.

Now that I've run out of things to type about, I shall now publish this post and close this window.

p/s I've just downloaded this track too. Beautiful by Late Night Alumni. Beautiful...

Practically had all my meals from outside today. This morning's breakfast was at Caper's with Miss Cheeky. Yeah... cheeky!! They had a new flavour, a spring special - passionfruit and lemon. Whoohoo and lucky us that we were there. Yum yum yum... I should just forget about ever being skinny, not when I love food this much. Pancakes soft and fluffy, just perfect for breakfast. And just so to make their patrons feel less guilty, they sandwich a fruit salad between the two pancakes. Seriously though, with us both sharing one full sized one, we actually lasted until about 3 in the afternoon even before thinking about food again. And even then we weren't exactly hungry... just naughty lol!

After that it was a case of sunning the bedding and what not. Suprisingly dry and sunny morning for what was forecasted to be a cloudy wet day. -_-"' We even postponed our trip to the beach because of it. Sigh. Not that it's a bad thing though, since I've got started on a second load of laundry again and a blanket. And a couple more things to pack and deciding what to bring along with me to Chch and Oz over the next few days and I should be set to go I think. Arrgh... thinking about having to do packing makes me wanna bite someone. Or something. Don't think I wanna bite Chyi, since she's going to dye her hair red tomorrow and biting her seems like I'm inviting danger (red= danger, blood, gore !!!) and considering what I'm planning to do for a career in future, I should learn to value my health more. Lol.

Finally finished The Undomestic Goddess today. Been with me for half a year since swiping it from sis now and I never really bothered to read it through until now. Quite interesting, though how someone can actually get to late twenties without ever learning how to even make a bed or dust really baffles me. Is there actually anyone like that out there actually? It's funny and yet pathetic and so sad that it makes me wanna weep. But for chicklit, I guess it's quite good. I quite like Kinsella's style of writing (for one thing, it takes very little brain power to read, and hence makes for enjoyable reading times - holiday = brain resting time, kekeke).

Went looking around for a pair of pants today as well. Just felt like it. At least it breaks the monotony of looking at the laptop non-stop, which I'm wont to do if nothing else takes my interest. Not that I actually am enjoying myself looking at the laptop, it's just that I'm still too lazy to continue on with my packing (procrastinating is something I have a PhD in dearie!) and too lazy to do anything else but sit on my arse straining my eyes to while away another day of my life. Though I promise, I promise myself I'm going to seriously do some packing tomorrow (how many of these have I made in the past few days and not keep??)...

Chyi's confirmed that she'll be graduating now (how is it I knew that was going to happen even before she even told me?? duh) and had results that was above the requirement for doing a masters. Waah. I wanna graduate too. I feel like I'm about to start another degree without actually even having graduated with one... I wanna wear a graduation gown! And that cap too *though it looks like crap to me*! And I'm typing all this because I'm bored! Wahoo!

Another picture of a flower I took. This one is from the some plant along Heriot Row that I chanced by sometime in September. I'm quite pleased with it actually, how the main flower stands out very well and that there's this second flower, smaller and slightly blurry to add depth to the picture but not enough to detract attention from the main one. Somehow this isn't always easy to acheive with my digital camera since I can't actually control the focus myself. But still *gushes with pride*... anyway, enough of my self-trumpery.

I've finally found this song that I've been searching for quite some time now. It's from Quest for Camelot and like the poster, I agree, there's something about this guy's voice that's nice. Not to say the song isn't great either. Yipee! Now to turn up the volume and enjoy myself :D! I Stand Alone from Quest from Camelot.

p/s I dragged myself out yesterday to ask about the travel insurance. Have yet to finish the letter to grandma. Visited the cash convertors shop this afternoon to sell that ironing board I never used but they said to come back Monday. Grr... murder them all. Lol!

double p/s whoopee... I found another that I've been looking for so long since I lost my Chanticleer CD!! :D! This is certainly my lucky day! Dulaman by Chanticleer

So most of people have left Dnd now (even Chyi's gone off to Chch for the weekend!!), I'm left alone to entertain myself. Just as well there's the internet, and the internet, and the internet, and this new site that I found Free Rice where I entertain myself through the day when I'm not motivated to go out and do something constructive (which is basically almost the whole day lately... I should really get my bum moving but... meh).

The weather here has been really crappy. Seems like summer has regressed into early winter to me. I'm starting to regret giving Jess the heater, but then again, it's not like I'm going to really use it anyway while I'm around so I guess she might as well still have it. I'm chirpy enough with my electric blanket *huggies my electric blanket*. But seriously, with the skies cloudy and gloomy like it's got an exam tomorrow and unpredictable bouts of rain in between, the temperature in my room (the trees blocking quite a bit of sunlight from getting in through my window doesn't help) reminds me of winter setting in. Perhaps it's getting everyone ready for a real white Xmas? Not that I'm ungrateful, but two winters in a year, no thank you very much.

So unmotivated I am that I've still yet to finish my letter to grandma, or checked out the cost for travel insurance or decide wether I'm going to do anything about that last tooth or get exercising or .. or.. or... or... or... I did however managed to snag a few good photos of some flowers. The one above was taken sometime last month actually. I've yet to download the new batch of photos onto my laptop off the camera. That reminds me, I've got to recharge the batteries too if I want to take more photos of the textile exhibition at the museum.

One more week to go before I need to start packing again to go up to Chch. Perhaps I should start packing up everything else this weekend. I need someone with a whip to slavedrive me into doing work....

Nothing much today of note, except for a trip to the museum. We heard from Jo that there was some exhibit on that was featuring tropical butterflies and that it had live butterflies on display. She mentioned as well that they were importing pupaes weekly as well just for that exhibit.

So we went off in the afternoon to have a look see and were at first puzzled as we had no idea what section the exhibit would be in the museum. But there were some other interesting new exhibits on at the moment. One was seasons of indigo, featuring some beautiful textile works by some Japanese woman. It was basically reusing dyed indigo cloth taken from used kimonos and beddings and so on to create all sorts of pieces as expression of the four seasons. I'm surprised by how many pieces there were on display and how intricate each one of them were. Hundreds if not thousands were used just to create each one, and all were sewn together, with decorative stitches as well! I wonder how long it takes that artist just to make one. It was nice to see that there was continuity as well between all the seasons, with recurring themes here and there in some of the pieces. I wonder too how did they managed to bring it all the way from Japan without any of them showing any sign of a wrinkle at all :S... I doubt if the pieces can be washed and ironed. But then, what do I know lol.

The other new exhibit was one on swimsuits from the past. Some of the bikinis and swimwear on display were clearly from the 70s, around mum's sort of era. It was so typical of the sort you see in old mags and adverts from that age lol. And I never thought I would come to realise that men swimwear have undergone undersizing as well. The mens' pieces on display were in short, conservative. They were just like a cross between boxer shorts and normal swimming trunks, waist high (or higher) trunks. It made the model look somewhat stumpy *tee hee*.

After that, we realised that the butterfly exhibit was probably in the discovery world section. There was a student discount on, at 8.50 per person. Didn't really look much at the other stuff, just a bit here and there. There was a one way mirror (turns out it's chromium that does the trick), aquariums, cloud maker, reaction timer blah blah blah. But the most interesting part of the whole thing was the tropical rainforest where the butterflies were kept. Who would have thought that the museum would actually have something like a three storyed hot house. It was 29 degrees in there and a humidity of 60%!! Sure it was as warm as back home, but with such a humidity it was a bit hard to breathe in there almost (slightly exaggerated of course). There was very heavy air traffic in there as T puts it. All sorts and colours of butterflies flew here and there. There were very colourful moths as well. Didn't really bother looking at the icky tarantulas. There were three, and I only had to look into the case with the bird eating one to be put off by it. Hairy fat and ugly. Ewww. Visitors could also look into the quarantine area as well where the pupae that they imported hatched. There was one big moth that was just about ready to up and go it seemed. It's suprising to find out that moths aren't just the usual grey, brown and black winged insects. That one had orangey spots on it and certainly looked more a butterfly if it weren't for the way it kept it wings flat and apart. Some orchids were on display about and around the place, and there was a pond with turtles and gold fish in it. I'm not too sure what sort of rainforest has the latter though :P...

Bought a pomegranate today for fun. T was very surprised by the little red seeds in it. Yummy. Though this is certainly less sweet than the one I had last time. Don't remember the seeds being so prominent either, though crunchy suits me fine (except for the part when a little piece got stuck between my upper molars :( ). T talking about papayas make me want some now as well. With lime thank you very much. Mmmm.... darn, why do fruits cost so much here?! @#^%$*! Bought a few mandarins either, just to break away a little from apples though I probably will start missing them again soon enough.

First day of exam today. Funny how that ovulatory cycle thingy which I was thinking and wondering about while trying to get to sleep yesterday night came up. Didn't bother checking, not that it mattered since I remembered how it went more or less anyway. But overall it wasn't too bad. I finished with half an hour or so to spare. Managed to go through some of my answers to the first few questions and was just in time to correct one glaring error. Nearly bonked myself on the head for writing such rubbish!

Funny how everyone appeared happy today before the exam. Go back one year and a little and everyone was just nervous and nothing close to being happy. Perhaps after such an extended period everyone is just tired and just want to be over with it. For the past few days I've probably been playing more on the laptop than I've had in the whole year (not food blog perving, just playing). It's gotten to the point where I'm just sick of studying properly already. Though having just sat the exam, it's like I've gotten a boost and I'm kinda wishing it'll be tomorrow and day after just so I can finish asap.

Another thing I noticed some days before this, how different perceptions between people can be. One of my friends counts down to the first day of the exams. The only thing that matters to another is the last day of the exam. Wonder if there's a difference to this??

Didn't get to talk with the rest of the family yesterday. Considering I told them to come earlier this week when I last talked to them and yet everyone came online at 10pm as usual makes me annoyed somewhat. *shrug* Though not necessarily a bad thing, for goodness knows how long it would take and that I need to get to bed early yesterday night anyway.

Hopefully my stuff does get sold soon. J showed interest in them when I told her today. It's almost unbelievable, the first person I decided to randomly tell about it was looking for furniture as well. Hm... almost too good to be true. Though she's looking for another single bed too so I guess I might ask around as well slightly later in the week or something.

Played a game of go-stop before running off to the exam as well. Never has there been in the history of go-stop playing a game as lucky as this. There were sa's, there were deck clearing, there were chucking and flipping exactly what came out. And right throughout the whole game. Though we never counted the marks for that one, since after the first few go's it was just too funny and too hard to keep track of.

Another kinda busy week today. Lots of lectures and stuff scheduled for this week, and the last ones were held today. Turns out that when they said dress up for the last day of lectures, they meant dress wild. Or even dress down. A few people came in as fairies, female wannabes, racers, military personnel... a guy came in with nothing on but an open vest, big sunglasses and ultra-short shorts. Lots of hair showing through. Ewwww. Mr President came in in tights, both top and bottom. No comment I shall make here. For the last lecture, some guy thought it cool to come to the session in nothing but his underwear and a strap-on beaky paper penis. I'm not sure what Mr Bigshot thought of it himself but I'm not too sure if I'm all that impressed. It's funny of course, but it's a distasteful sort of funny and it's something that makes me wanna cringe. *Ahem* I don't know these people...

Another interesting thing that came up the other day in a lecture was this quantum booster thing. It's some form of alternative therapy device that hasn't been proven at all to help. Basically just some metal rods connected to a low voltage electric source that makes ultra-high frequency vibrations. It amazes me that some people would even think that that device can be used to cure illnesses such as cancer. The heck? If things were that easy, would people be dying such painful deaths? I find it incredible that people would put their faith in such contraptions when the people promoting it can't even explain how it works. How intelligent does confusing bacteria, or jiggling the organs so that they virate at their natural frequency sound? However that night I came over this statement which said that religious faith and science doesn't go against each other and that they have more in common than many people would think. It made me think somewhat. I guess I might have a slightly better idea now what those people who opt for those treatments might be thinking. Faith in that and faith in chemo are both just faith. Science is just based on theories after all. Though theories that are backed up with good data and research I must add. But then why not just trust in something that at least has a better chance? A little boy died for no good reason simply because his parents decided to be idiots and run away with him when he was doing well on chemo and putting him on the quantum booster thingamajig in hopes that would cure him. Very smart. Pathetic parents. Pitiable kid. I wonder how would I as a doctor be able to emphatise with the parents if they ever choose to do such a thing. Try to understand? I'm trying, but not succeeding for sure.

Went to the careers night thing on Wednesday evening as well. I now at least have a clearer idea about what I might be going through after med school. Seems like there are a lot more exams ahead of me, regardless of what I would want to do. It's gonna be hard seems to be the only thing that the speakers could promise. Can't exactly say that I'm overjoyed to hear that I must say. I can't say that I had no inkling of what might be ahead when I signed up for the course, after all the warnings that dad has given me, but after three years studying, the thought that I would have more studying for exams (1000 hours for one bloody exam he said :O!!!) is about killing me. I'm getting tired and I feel like I'm slogging on through thick mud (I would say thickshake, but I'm not sure if that's thick enough... nor am I hungry enough to think that). I don't want to remain in the PGY years where I can blissfully not face exams. Being paid nuts for the rest of my life, and being stuck in a role where most people leave after two years sounds silly. Of course, I probably am just feeling like this simply because of feeling sick of studying for my upcoming finals for which I am in no mood to do. But being able to finally reach a tangible destination seems so darn far away now. Why didn't I just sign up for a course where I'll reach a PHD in six years or so? Simply because I wouldn't know what else to do. Sure the thought of being able to make people happy sounds great and I can't wait for that, but having to plod on for a dozen or more years is scary. Eeps! Help! I'll be old and wrinkly by then!

Talk is cheap I must say. It's easy to comfort and fall into the same role as others when everyone else is doing the same. But then when reality comes back to bite it's not funny. I feel afraid that I might not be able to deliver on promises, or to do as well as I meant to. The uncertainty of the possibility of being taken for a ride, going on a nonsensical wild goose chase makes me less than enthusiastic. I guess that's me, I need hard proof right under my nose. Proof that I can see smell touch and the heck, bite. Cold hard real. The thought as well of what my promise might lead to as well is scary. But I shall keep my word. Lord Mano-mano's word is not made to be broken. Rawr! But I shall shelve it for now and worry later. *shrug*

And somehow the other thing I realised about myself is that I don't forget some things easily. Pain and hurt is stuff I cannot forget. Hard to forgive, even harder to forget. Not to mention that I'm the sort who kinda likes the idea of revenge at times (Realising again that I never got to thumb my nose properly at Mr Pig pains me a lot still, though scoring an A is revenge enough I guess... muahahahha!). Like might even be an understatement perhaps? It doesn't sound nice but it's a trait that is growing in me. Long I've tried to suppress, but the accumulation of events over the past three to four years is just trying me a bit too much. I doubt if I truly healed since the first, but having to go through so many similar ones in such a short period of time (for such a thing, I shall insist four years is too short) is just reopening the wound again and again. Why would my flesh be different from others? How can a wound heal if it reopens again and again and again? I never said I was a superhuman. No, the last straw has broken my back. I've given up. When I get the chance I shall migrate northwards, and then when I receive my wings, I shall fly and hopefully never return for a long time. At least I'm not turning back to bite I guess. The next few years would be a good chance for me to start looking around for somewhere to root and do my prep work I guess. I shall look until I find where I can truly be home (Ah, the thought of working for an MBA as well makes me tired...). It sucks somewhat at times to be a chink (when I think of such things when I'm depressed), but then it sucks a lot to be different to what I am as well, and there's a lot of good things to being what I am too, so I'm happy.

Puppy made this for me ^^! Considering puppy isn't one to do baking... and taking out time to ice it himself made it all the more meaningful to me. Brought it over on Monday morning as well as a surprise -- best way to start off a day :D... Yum yum yum, how can anyone resist chocolate cake?! Huggies to my beloved puppy!!

Not much else this week though. Apart from the fact that puppy found that feta is something that he can eat without him getting poisoned, and that jajang sauce can be mixed with pasta sauce without spoiling either of the flavours, but rather become something that taste all the more wicked :D!

Went to the Gardens this afternoon as well and had a nice lunch there. Weather couldn't seem to quite make up it's mind wether to stay sunny or turn bad, but it stayed pretty much sunny throughout lunchtime and our walk around afterwards. It was disturbing that some pretty plump bird with the speckled breast we saw there didn't mind eating egg or mince... actually, the egg part is more scary. Just... so wrong. And I found the answer to the question that I had for a long time. Turns out azaleas are just another type of rhodedendron. Had been wondering for some time now why what looked like azaleas seemed to be labelled as rhodedendrons all the time lol. Quite a few interesting plants were flowering as well. Missed the cherry tree lane in full blossom unfortunately, but there's still the rose garden to look forward to. And I'm still looking for my blue daisy-like flower... must look along Heriot later. Can't seem to remember where I last saw it :S...

From the University of Wisconsin Urban Horticultural Website

Been a pretty busy week. Dance practice was on practically every evening night for about two hours right up until the performance and even on the day itself as well! We got the hanboks and fans on Monday night and practiced with them on all the time. The fans were easier to handle than I thought, after having been told by Q that we would have to practice a lot opening and closing up the fans. Poor Q, Sh and Jess were hard pressed for time to change in and out of their costumes before and after the fast dance, and it's been amazing how they managed everything in the end, with the help of Q's sis, mum and Flora, of course. Thank goodness for them, for those ribbons on the hanbok can be tricky to tie sometimes and even more so if one had to hurry!

The rehearsal for ours on Thursday was scheduled at 5.45pm, and we had a practice before that at 4.15pm. Stupid me I decided to walk to SH and had to rush back in the end so that I could have a bit of dinner before going. Ended up having to shower as well after the heat and all that running *wince*...

The performance itself went great. No mistakes, or at least none that I saw anyway, and the audience was very appreciative of the whole dance (*Lots of awww... and I think I might have heard wolf whistles as well during the fast dance*). I did find it very odd and almost hilarious though that the audience would be so impressed when we did the mountain and ravine moves with the fans (I was dancing, it was only afterwards looking at the video that I was impressed by it all myself! *blowing our trumpets here lol*) that I nearly laughed out loud. Certainly did a very ungraceful-all-teeth-showing 'smile' then, but not that it mattered, my fans were big enough to cover up my imperfect attempt at demure-ness :P!

We were lucky too that night that we were after interval. For one, we (except Sh who I think was a bit too worried) got to sample the foods (*reminder to self, must grab the recipes for some of the kuih I saw from Iza and the rest!*), and had a good floor to dance on. Before interval, the floor got really oily from the Samoan dance and the girl doing the sword dance after them nearly slipped and fell. Thank goodness the backstage crew got onto it and cleaned it up, for the dance floor was already slippery enough without having to add more oil onto it lol!

A big thanks for Flora as well for doing our hair and makeup as well. I wonder how on earth she manages to do her own, since it's long enough, and the short of styles she does really require quite a bit manipulation. I bet she has an extra pair of eyes under all that hair of hers at the back. Hmmm... hmm.... I didn't know that opera singers had to take make-up lessons as well as part of their course. And never noticed before as well that eyelids and eyelashes are so very variable. I'm not too sure if I get the theory why some eyelashes are still not suited to mascara though *something I think is a blessing, for mascara is sure damn hard to remove as I found out later that night*.

Earlier this week we had a venipuncture session as well. I skipped my own stream and joined A1's, with good Markie's blessing of course. And by doing so, managed to skip B2's pathology stream. Muahahaha. And not have to listen to that idiot's teaching. Muahahahaha *louder this time*. As I had expected, it was shit hard to venipuncture someone. Hard as in I get this horrid sick feeling right down in the gut when it comes to having to drive something into someone. All that they put into the instructions on what could possibly go wrong didn't help either. And so my first attempt ended up with Sh having a nice big painful swelling around her vein. A big swelling with two holes actually, since my second one missed the vein. *eeps* Being of two minds when trying to venipuncture someone doesn't work. Switch around and Sh expertly drew blood on her first attempt. T_T makes me feel kinda inadequate, and evil since I couldn't even deliver the same for her. Feel kinda in awe and happy as well though, since after being jabbed twice by me she still had enough confidence in me to let me try again on the same arm. Lucky thing I was third time lucky... not sure if a third failure would be well tolerated though, since she certainly didn't look too pain-free when my needle went in. And poor Markie as well, based on what I got from Sh and T afterwards, he was kinda embaressed by my non-responsiveness when he tried motivating me while I was drawing the needle out. Tried to explain with an email as well, but no replies came back. Not sure if he's still offended or no *cries*. Not that this is going to change the fact that someone is still going to have to call him 'baldy' at the end of his next class/ year. *evil*

Made roti canai yesterday for dinner. Or rather, tried to. The dough was simple enough. Just the shaping of the roti itself that was wanting. After perving a couple of Indian guys doing it on youtube, I tried following as closely as I could to flatten out the dough, but somehow they seem to fold on itself all the time. Grrr.... in the end, it was a case of flipping it until it stretched out a little and then pressing it down with fingers to get it thin as possible. Not thin enough it seems, since after cooking it was still rather dense, though the basic taste was there. But at least I now appreciate the skill that is involved in their making. Wonder how many balls of dough did they have to go through to hone their skill to perfection?? It seems that the dough is rather unforgiving. Make a mistake and that's it, the fibres or whatever it is gets irreversibly disrupted and becomes no longer smooth :S .... But considering how long it's been since I've had some, I'm not complaining. My lousy skills are enough to satisfy whatever cravings I have. Yum yum yum... that I forgot to bother about photos, and when puppy reminded me, I couldn't be bothered to -_-"' (Note to self: *Never will I make the stupid mistake of not going home end of the year now, wether I'm moving cities or not... my teeth have proved things as much*)

Rehearsal was this afternoon. Turns out that the stage isn't as big as I thought it would be. It fits the front row of dancers well enough all right, but the second row had to take on a different formation, with Sh and I at the sides taking a slight backwards position. Hopefully with the actual fans there'll be enough fans as well. Lots of other stuff to keep in mind as well, just so that both rows will form out evenly on stage. As Q puts it, 'keeping the good shape' ;) ! Hopefully the lighting will work as we hope it will then, otherwise whatever plans we came up with will be wasted as well. Funny how the people in charge of the auditorium could forget to unlock the sound and light systems, it's certainly very inconvenient as we had to count while running through the dance to figure out what adjustments we would need, and having had the music to guide us all this while, counting doesn't really come very naturally to me :S (not to mention that the place is costs a good 950 bucks for the four hours it is booked for! *gulp* I certainly hope Kwon will wring out of them free extra bookings from them in compensation)!

Weather today has been really shit too. It rain practically non-stop until late afternoon, just before puppy and I set out for home so that I could collect my fans for the dance rehearsal. And even then it drizzled occasionally. Ugh. Poor Bm was pratically freezing as she walked with us to and from the auditorium! Despite the horrid weather, Sh was certainly in the mood for photos and we got quite a good few with the cherry blossoms in full bloom on the way back. And lucky me as well that when we had to walk back to retrieve Sh's umbrella, it was still there. I wonder if my legs will be fast enough when it comes to escaping her when she's in a killing mood.

Recollecting the thanksgiving session the other day, I think I didn't feel too upset or disappointed that less than half stayed to listen to us (it may be voluntary, but considering the effort we put in, and the fact that I made an effort to be all alert so that I made 0 mistakes, a little appreciation of our music would have been very welcome) and even less paying proper attention right until the very end was because there was at least one person in the audience that I know would be listening and appreciating our music. I guess it's the little details that matter the most in the end. One does not need a huge audience sitting in front, one and only one appreciative and attentive listener is all that is needed to make a difference.

Reflecting on that, I think I am partly the sort of person that takes things for granted at times (and not to mention enjoy being a source of annoyance as well I guess) and when I do think about things afterwards do I realise how important little gestures are to me, but by then it's been quite some time ago that bringing them up again would seem odd and out of place. Perhaps I should thinking about things at the point where things are occuring?? So that I don't miss out on being thankful and happy and letting people around me know as well??

I think I'll find big woman sometime tomorrow and ask about my attendance instead. I doubt if Mr. Trying-hard-to-be-bigger-than-he-think-he-is actually knows what he is talking about. And I think I would rather kill a kitten (not literally!) than actually seek him out to explain things (not that he'll want to hear what I have to say about what I think his tutes are anyway) for I'm no idiot he can push around (the hell, we students pay his paycheck!) and it's about time he learns manners (talking about that, a Mr. Piggy back home can learn a thing or two about it as well... don't mind me, I just feel like ranting still) and that threats can backfire.

Arrgh... can't post up the photo I took. Will try tomorrow or later then.

Took this photo up above. Loved it so much, and getting to know my camera better now has only made me love it all the more. One good thing about this is that I tend to notice all the small little flowers these days and appreciate how different they all are, even if they look about the same at first glance. Took some photos as well of the flowering cherry tree just outside the dent school today. Been meaning to for some time, it looks so beautiful with the gazillion of flowers it has but somehow only got around to it just this afternoon.

Went by the dentist this morning as well. Got the bottom molar done at last. At first we thought we could do without anaesthetic, but turns out that that was not to be. Halfway while drilling, it started to get very uncomfortable and we had to stop while the dentist gave me the injection. Somehow injections in my mouth never seem to hurt as much as I think it should, considering how sensitive the area is (compare that to all those I've had in my arms where somehow they always hurt way waaaay more :S!), though I would be lying if I said it didn't feel slightly uncomfortable. Better than potentially having to go through what mumiak once told me as butt-raising-off-the-chair pain though!

Had only one lecture this morning. The other two before and after it were cancelled unfortunately, which did make attending the lecture seem rather silly. The clinical demo was quite interesting... and gruesome in a way. It was melanoma and the lecturer doing the demo was only too happy to include lots of scary pics of them melanoma spots and the effects and what not. It reminds me a lot of the programme I watched once when mumiak was here, though the patient that came along today was (of course) alive and currently appears to be free of it. So I guess there can be good endings as well, and having scarred and hence shortened calf muscles mean you would more or less prefer to wear high heels because flats will make you hobble seem not to bad as well, especially since Sh said she looked real elegant. It's only after lectures like this that I remember how much I like my natually 'tanned' skin, which unfortunately have been progressively bleached *cry*.

During dance practice today I learnt that *** Reddy threatened to fail me on terms for not showing up to his tutes. *TMD* I say. I've been attending tutorials, just not his and I've been signing off on their rolls already. I guess I'll have to check with the 'big lady', as Sh puts it. Who this 'big lady' is, I don't really have the foggiest idea. Okay, so it now is a lie. Puppy just reminded me who it is. That, or it'll have to be the witch I have to contend with. I'm wondering if I want to seek out this annoying Mr R as he asked (poor Lis had to be the messanger), partly because it's 'courtesy'... though I'm not too sure if I'm in the mood to be courteous. Grrr... we'll see who I can find come next week then. May I be boiling enough so that I don't just turn on that stupid asian smile and try to be let's-all-be-happy. Only orang gila would want to go to that guy's tutes, considering how he teaches. If you don't know your stuff, you shouldn't teach. And if you know that fellow can't teach, then you shouldn't employ him. Big shots up there need a good slap and knock on their heads, and he needs a reality check. Grrr. Mano-mano is not happy. Mano-mano demands blood payment to cool her down now. Grrrr.

Can't wait for tomorrow. 10 balls of dough sitting in my fridge. 10 balls waiting to be shaped and pan-fried. Yumm... Sigh, why on earth did I try to be smart and say to go home next year? Why on earth did I even bother choosing to move out when I could stay put and not worry about moving then -_-"'... now I've to recreate myself whatever I want to stuff down my trap. Dang. Not that knowing or thinking this makes a difference to my impatience right. Hopefully the shaping will come out right. Hopefully I don't coat my kitchen walls with dough... mmmm...

First week of class has been pretty uneventful. Lots of free gaps in between here and there, but mostly due to communication skills feedback sessions. Had mine just on this Friday. Was marked with a clear pass, something which I didn't see coming, especially when I thought this second one was worst than my first, what with all that nervous laughing in between. Apparently the tutor thinks I must have done something that made the patient to not get angry with me, for that was one of the first few questions she popped up as soon we were finished reviewing the tape together. I couldn't really think of anything, apart from my looking rather sorry at how things have turned out for the patient. She did mention as well that I should be careful to not come across as promising things to the patient as well that I might not be able to keep. I'm didn't do any of that sort of course, but then considering how often I kept on saying I'll try my best to find an alternative for the patient, a distressed patient might actually come to expect it, only to be let down if there weren't any. One option that certainly never crossed my mind which my tutor later proposed was to tell the lady that she could bring in a support person too. Don't believe that my tutor thought I dug out a lot from the patient too, for as far as I can tell, finding out that she had an accident and that she's somewhat claustrophobic isn't much, especially when there was so much more which I had wanted to know about but had not the time to ask.

Tried making mooncakes as well, using Kuali's recipe. The filling turned out okay I guess. Not sickeningly sweet and full of yam flavour, but I have this niggling feeling that the skin wouldn't have burst if I had spent more time stirring and cooking the filling. The recipe said to stir until it came clean off the sides of the wok. But considering that I was using not a wok but a pot, and that my fingers were hurting from stirring all that sticky stuff that kept getting stickier and stickier(!!), and afraid that it might burn on me and waste my entire effort up to then, I stopped when the thing became quite gooey. When it cooled down it certainly looked no different to the filling I usually see being used by those pastry chefs -- firm and shiny and easily mouldable into balls. The pastry didn't come out quite like I expected though. The pastry was meant to be flaky but mine came out after baking having a sort of pie-crust like texture and taste. Not sure if it was due to it being baked rather than the frying which was how that mooncake was traditional made :S ... But puppy and I did note that it was only those with the yam as a filling that actually burst while the ones filled with red bean paste were fine. How odd, considering that the red bean filling was rather liquidy compared to the yam filling I made. Though my overstuffing the skin with yam filling (which I didn't quite do with the red bean filling) might have been part of the reason. Darn, should have just went for the snowskin version rather than being smart and doing some baked version. Darn, why did that Asian grocery just had to be shut and 'go church worship god' (the exact words they used on their sign... sounds more like an order rather than giving a reason why they were shut LOL!) until so late in the day?!! Unreasonable Mano-mano I am, I have now zapped their butts so that I would be happier about my failure :P!

Dance practice still going on as well. I wonder if there's been much improvement on my part. Most times I can't or don't see myself in the mirror -- too busy looking down at my hands mostly and occasionally being the one facing the back! I've still no idea how to turn gracefully, if I get the counting right which I think is rarely, I get dizzy that I find it hard to stand up straight and do what my arms were supposed to do. If I don't get the counting right, same thing happens. LOL. I try to turn my head right at the last minute like how ballet dancers do but somehow my neck doesn't quite obey me each time. Sh was talking about filming ourselves and then emailing the results out to everyone. I think filming is a good idea, I'm curious as to how we all look, but perhaps it'll have to be a thumbdrive method of passing the file out. Don't think my baby has enough space to film six minutes of stuff though, but I guess it's one thing which I might try doing next practice or later...

Music practice on Friday as well. I'm still making a few mistakes here and there, though it's more a case of remembering and watching out so that I don't make mistake... or rather keeping in mind those places where my fingers are prone to decide themselves what keys to hit rather than what the score dictates. Considering that we three had played this together before, it's not much of a problem I think, even if the event is this coming Thurs (I heard that the careers night is the same night as well too... darn... a bit upset about that as I really want to go having missed last years *shrug*, not like it's stuff I wouldn't find out myself though eventually). What worries me a little though is the difference between the two singers. I wonder how easily it is to tune into a softer voice and then having to 'tune out' a little with a louder voice coming through afterwards. A bit worried as well, if that time is for talking amongst the families and students, would they be able to do so with singers in the picture? But then the song doesn't have much meaning to it though it there aren't singers, then it would be just a waste of effort and we might as well not bothered in the first place. But can't wait though, we haven't done any performing for so long as a group now, though I guess this will probably be the last before we each run off to our allocated cities.

Jan having came back just recently from Aklnd as well has reawakened that little fire inside me. I must go up to Aklnd sometime next year or after to have a look soon. I want I want I want!! :D

Holiday is nearly coming towards the end now. Haven't really been bothered to visit blogger, not when there's so much more interesting things around to do :P.

Had a potluck on the Friday afternoon that was the last day of class. Apparently the Gizzy debriefing thingamajig was cancelled or something. Just as well. I can barely remember what I actually did during that time now. The stuff the others made lasted for both lunch and dinner, and with leftovers too! I made egg tarts and chocolate tarts for dessert. The chocolate one was a bit on the bitter side, simply because I added no sugar to the filling, though having ice cream on the side did help things somewhat.

Walked around the botanical gardens as well after making a trip to UniMart. The weather was extrememly good then I remember and the plants were starting to come into bloom. Watched as well a couple of idiotic kiddies playing silly in the playground and heard from Ch that she had a video of her freaking out as she faked a plunge to her death :P! And she hasn't shown it to me yet.. must remember to pester her!

Went to Qtwn for a short holiday. I guess when one is willing to spend and goes around to look at the place properly, it's quite an enjoyable place for tourists. The last time I came away with the idea that there wasn't much in Qtwn but simply because I spent less than a day there and part of that time was at night-time and it was freezing too at that time. Talking about the weather, it was quite warm there when we went and not to mention that it was quite sunny for most of the time. We went on the gondola and played on the luge (however it's pronounced :S), went on the Shotover jet and on a cruise across the lake, walked around the tiny gardens there, perved the chocolate shop, played a tarted up version of mini-golf (at which I'm lousy), ate heaps and enjoyed myself thoroughly. *kekeke* Had to endure the unpleasant experience of eating seafood, but for which I would be rewarded with the joy of watching someone eat cheese as punishment soon. I just haven't decided what form is the cheese to be. Heh heh.

Dance practice for the med cultural night has been on three days a week in the mornings. For the most part, the dance is pretty much alright now. Just the finer details that needs working on so that we don't end up portraying ourselves as geeks attempting dance. *eeps!* I wonder occasionally during practice times as I watch myself in the mirror why I agreed to Q's proposal, considering that I know full well that I didn't inherit any grace in dancing from my parents. *grimace* Just as well I didn't rashly agree to doing the fast dance as well when Q asked!

Been to two different little cafes for breakfast during the weekends as well. It's part of wanting to try the most of what Dnd's eateries have to offer before I hightail it out of here. First up was Capers and had a go at their famous gourmet pancakes. Looking at the portion sizes, it doesn't look like much, but it was just as well that I shared my order otherwise I might end up another of those patrons that leave unfinished food here and there. *Tut tut* And Croque-o-Dile is another. We went to the one at the gardens and I'm not too impressed by the selection of stuff there. The muffin and cake that I tried were lovely, but variety is part of what I'm looking for too!

My camera has been rather busy as well. I've just realised what great subjects flowers are. Unlike animals and humans, they are all photogenic and for most of the time, obedient and stay still. Not sure if my laptop will have enough space to store them all though, since each picture is almost two Mb and I just can't bring myself to alter them into smaller files *yeah, I know, stooopid =.=*.

Can't be bothered writing more... still looking around. Found a promising place round Addington but will see what other options pop up...

Weather has been rather mild for some last few days, it's been sunny today, I finished class at lunchtime today and holidays starts just after tomorrow. Can't think of how things could be better at the moment ^^!

Monday was puppy's birthday. Couldn't have it at Sh's and since the flatties didn't mind, we just had our little celebration at this flat. And now puppy's got an 021 number, finally! Tuesday was the start of abdomen dissection series. Tiring. Puppy switched streams to attend Sandy's funeral mass. I had com. skills filming at 11.30am which I'm not quite sure wether to think of it as good or not. By the time I got to HN, it was more than halfway into the service and had to creep in through the back door. It was packed with people. Heard cool stuff about Prof Sandy, though I've still no idea where 'Sandy' came from. Quite a few classmates were there too. Wednesday was Clinical Biochem with Mr Reddy. He's back from his travels apparently, and there was lots of time allocated for discussion which somehow seemed pretty pointless. Skipped PDS project presentations in the end after realising that I didn't have to go. And curiously, succeeded in making fried rice that didn't turn out mushy or clumpy! Yay!! Macaroons came out of the oven as well, despite not following a recipe and not realising that the egg whites were meant to be beaten. LOL. Today was another dissection. Most of the work was done on the right side. After everyone else from my team left, XM and I decided to try and get out the other testis. To our horror, after a couple of slices into the scrotum, it started gushing some red-tinged clear liquid enough to soak completely two paper towels! *wince* In short, the left one wasn't 'normal', it being 'upside-down', with a cyst and fibrosed 'capsule'... :S

Holiday holidays coming!!!! Can't wait!!

RCA rat race over and done, and results were out yesterday. I passed, which I must say was something lucky, considering that at the end of the round, just before handing in the paper, looking through and tallying the number of questions the answer to which I was unsure or didn't know, it was almost half of them. No thanks to the blown up CT and radiograph images of course. And a couple of random stuff that looked as though it should have been in the B&B rat race at the start of the year. -_-"' Who cares anyway?! I passed, and so did the rest of my friends, so here's to a stress free holiday! Yay!

Holidays are in a week or so. Though I've still got another lab or so, which I'm sure is going to be headed by MZ again, and the final mock patient interview, and a pharmacology lab, and a clinical chem tute to get through beforehand. Not that it's that bad I guess, the timetable is looking rather empty for next week ^^!

I've got the flight tickets for the end of the year at last. Though certainly not without much worry. For some reason or other, the lady, while told to book it in Dec and gave me the impression all the while that that was what she did, actually booked it a month before and realising her mistake only at the last minute when she decided to print the receipt out for me to look through and sign. Then it was come back tomorrow and we'll change the tickets for you, ok? Rigt, back next day. Just as well that the prices hadn't really changed, otherwise I'm not sure if I would want to listen to those stupid Asianic values my ancestors left me. Nod nod nod I went, and inside I was furious and would have loved to just slap her silly, but what did I do but play the Asian who shows not her anger in public or to people older than her and smile (albeit painfully). I feel pathetic, a loser somehow. Arrgh, I need attitued re-engineering.

And news just came that poor old Sandy had died. So I guess Miss Brookes had no idea how accurate her remark that we won't be seeing Sandy for the rest of the year would turn out to be. It's somewhat nearly unbelievable. Just a couple of days ago Prof Griffin was just telling us how Sandy was telling the docs what sort of antibiotics to give him for what bugs and what not. Feeling a bit empty at this news somehow. Too bad that from now on no one's getting his lectures anymore, but rather boring old Brookes instead. May you be at peace wherever you are then Sandy.

Students have been coming in and out of the flat lately to have a look through. It's been listed now since none of us are staying there next year, and it's a bit annoying at times when they choose to come around times when people are not at home. I rather they turn up on weekdays than on weekends. But then again, I guess it's not a big deal anyway, at least then I'll have motivation to do a bit of cleaning up I guess.

Trying out a bit of music yesterday was a wake up call. I've slacked too much now and should really knuckle down and get a bit of practice down. I've lost my sigh-reading skills and I can't find the keys as readily without looking down. I'm a little heartbroken by what I've lost though there's no one but myself to blame. I must, must, must visit the piano more often during this upcoming holidays. Come to think of it now, my hopes of getting a piano, my own piano, next year is more or less gone now. There's no way I'm getting one in a flat, not when there's a possibility of moving about every year, and there's even less of a possibility when in a 'studio room'. And there's not going to be a club and socs in Chch next year too. You owe me a kick in the bum now Wormy! Grrr.... I guess I'll figure out something by then. IF only I had oodles of money, then I would do it like how Vitus did - hire a studio for one sole purpose. Should I invest whatever I have in the shares now?? But which one?!

I suppose when one wants to buy stuff, one should consult with experts first. I bought a bar of chocolate at NW sometime earlier this week at a price close to 3 bucks, and thought to myself then, huh, this is cheap. Fastforward to yesterday afternoon, a trip to CD proved me wrong, for the same bar was being sold at just 2 bucks. ~ToT~ Sigh. I promise myself, next time, when I'm gonna get chocolates, I'm gonna get Sh to come along, even if I'll have to tie her up and carry her along. Sigh. Lesson learnt I suppose.

If only my salted eggs would look like these...

It being close to a month now since the little eggs were put into their little coatings of salt, I thought it would be good to have some of them with porridge for dinner yesterday. Didn't turn out quite like I hoped it would. For one, it's chicken eggs that I'm using, not Madame Duckie's of course. And it's certainly by the conventional method that commercial salted eggs are made with. And would using sake instead of Shao Xing wine make a difference? I don't know. So how did it came out then? For one, the whites are quite well salted, though slightly less salty than commercial ones... I think, but well enough to make me happy. The yolk however was a different thing altogether. It was hardly salted, that eating it alone I barely tasted any saltiness to it. And this is where Madame Duckie's eggs beats Mrs Cluckie's, and not just in size, but also in terms of how much fat there is in the yolk. Mine didn't acheive that beautiful orangey red colour, except a light tinge of it around the rim. Sigh. Next time, I shall try it with brine then. Sighs.

After yesterday night, I'm still somewhat feeling somewhat flabbergasted. Some I didn't anticipate, some I guess was already somewhat obvious since some time ago.

Grr... all my worrying and planning is somewhat wasted I guess. Perhaps I should reconsider those uni flats near the hospital then. Sigh. Which isn't altogether a really bad thing perhaps, since it's something easier to settle than to search for some other form of lodging. I doubt if my choice of clinical school can be changed now, seeing as it's a case of people being balloted out from Wellie into Chch and Dud. Not that Wellie would have proven to be a much better choice I guess. But I prefer to be closer than further. For one, it's purely a sentimental thing, secondly bus trips are certainly cheaper than flights. But nothing is confirmed yet, so I guess I'll sit tight and see how things pan out.

I know that I do practise double standards of course, but then perhaps some things that I do have double standards for didn't appear to be obvious to me until yesterday either. What some people do with their lives or chose to have in their lives can only be considered of interest and no more than that. But when it comes to people whom I love most and care a lot about, it does. I suppose I'm old-fashioned in my thinking in some ways, as Wormy accused me of yesterday, but then for crying out loud, the person in question is someone I care about! Of course I'll be putting my guards up! But then am I being a wee bit silly and being over-protective I wonder? Wonder what sort of reaction I'll be witness to soon?? I'm somewhat curious as well.

Last dissection for the thorax area today. I'm quite pleased at how it went actually, in that I feel like we've covered at least most or all of the steps involved (not all unfortunately, since some of the structures were already lost to previous dissections). After that, I couldn't really be bothered looking at the prosections, resorting instead to just standing around and listening to Demonstrator L whizzing throught a few of the slices. Didn't feel like leaving the lab early since there wasn't anywhere to go to before my next SI tute anyway.

p/s Oopsie, burnt my swede chips and pumpkin not as well roasted as I wanted it. Forgot about their difference in sizes -_-"'

First time I've heard of Henrietta Lacks. Rather cold and calculated of the researchers, but then it seems that most of kids my age certainly have benefited from their research and her misfortune, since without her cells we might not even have the polio vaccine yet.

http://www.jhu.edu/~jhumag/0400web/01.html
http://www.citypaper.com/news/story.asp?id=3426

Went to watch Med Revue's Med School Musical. It was hilarious, though the bulk of it was insider jokes... and *ahem* jokes meant for those 18 and above. Personally I think it was quite a good night of entertainment overall (the band was quite good, the vocalist had a good voice, the order of acts flowed, more or less, smoothly, if one doesn't mind that there isn't much to the main story and that the show was bulked up by funny stuff in between), but I think they could probably cut down on the cruelty factor.

Yes. Cruelty factor. It's funny (we're still kids, aren't we? still cruel deep down, loving to make fun of the odd one out -_-"') if one doesn't think too much about it, and would be not that bad if it were secret and the persons being 'attacked' weren't going to know about it. But that's not the case. It's like last year's end being played out, albeit simplified. I don't see what's that horrid about 'Pep-Daddy'. Sure, he speaks with a funny accent, but so? It's not like the standard NZ accent is all that great either ('oh hell yeah, look at me... my tone goes up at the end of every sentence'... smaart). His notes are good, and if one cares to pay attention, his lectures aren't that bad (if you fall asleep, who's to blame? If others can keep awake, why not you?). Seems rather cowardly and under-the-belt if you ask me, to attack him as some did last year, and now again this year. Or perhaps I'm being too sensitive? Same with poor lil N.D. And what the heck is up with some people? Calling demonstrator L queen/ mum? Where the hell did that come from? And ok, so she knows her stuff, but so? My impression of her from labs is just so-so, like any other lab demonstrator and lecturer. A tad bossy as well come to think of it. Over-rated if you ask me.

Dissection today was mainly on the heart and the great vessels. Odd that a person can be so skinny and yet have a huge helping of pericardial fat. Scraping it off, my forceps became covered in something that looked sickeningly like cream. Wonder if mine is just like that as well?? *hmm* Got the sleeve of my lab coat covered in some dried up blood as well *eeks* and have to send it for washing. Darn. But just as well I rolled up my hoodie's sleeves, otherwise they would have gotten the worse of it instead. Didn't get a chance to look at any prosections or plastinated slices today, not that I would have wanted to either after that long dissection. It went till quarter to before stream A would be coming in for their turn *faints*.

Weather is still nasty as ever it seems. Worm says she wanna talk about the scholarship papers but didn't specify what. Curious and curiouser. One thought that came to me today as well... how possible is it to hang someone outside the window of the toilet or my room? Jumping out the window here with a hangman's noose well positioned, I betcha a pound of my fat that one'll get a hangman's fracture if anything. Scary...

Made some rojak cake on Friday and have used up the remaining flour and margarine, sunflower seeds and ground almonds at last, and also returned the hand mixer and rack back to Sh. So that's one part of the stuff cleared out now. That bag of sugar still looks just as formidable though!

So the pig never came about because D couldn't even get hold of the owner. I wonder why. After 3 voice mails and 5 texts, one would normally expect an answer of some sort at least. I suppose the owner really didn't want his porky to end up as someone's dinner or something LOL. D's round of bad luck continued right into the whole of Saturday. The guys been meaning to have a good round of Diablo together, but instead poor D had to spend the whole afternoon and night trying to set up the game on his laptop. The others enjoyed themselves quite a lot too. Someone who wasn't keen on the game at first appeared to be overjoyed, screaming, shrieking and laughing non-stop (wonder if my ear-drums are still intact!). Diablo convert now?? Someone elses laptop, being overloaded with stuff decided to not cooperate, though it didn't stop her playing all the same. And poor Q had to do some translation work for Woori today, a whooping 5 pages or so of stuff that she had to translate. Not an easy job as well, for it seems that Koreans use a lot of metaphors (I think that's what it's called) in their 'normal talk', which certainly doesn't translate easily at all into English. I certainly cannot imagine the sort of image the non-Korean speaking congregation would have upon hearing the phrase 'run to heaven'. By the time she was done, Q looked so tired with her eyes barely open, and hair all ruffled.

And for some reason or other, the weather has been really good, except for a few days where it chose to rain of course. But it's weather that's quite uncharacteristic of winter, especially now that it's already early August. Not that I'm gonna complain of course. Hopefully this warm turn of weather lasts until the end of the year then. I can't wait for the day I can't just leave the bulky jacket at home and run about in just one or two layers of clothing.

I've yet to get the return tickets from Melbourne. Haven't really been bothered about it really, partly because they don't fall within the sales period. I will though, just when I'm going to start the application for the visas.

I've cooked dinner for next week as well. Mostly vegetarian and tofu based. Yum yum yum, tofu! And I've still not worked up a good enough reason to splurge on the gluten flour... miss grandma's seitan...

Just as well I was online and talking to J... just got a call from home. Mumiak and nana aren't too pleased at the idea of homekill. Especially mumiak. I was half expecting this seeing as fishing was already deemed a horrible cruel act... nana was more concerned about what might happen if it turned out to be against the law, especially since that back home it's actually illegal to have them killed at abbatoirs. True I guess, since who knows what nasties are in the ground...

Seems like drug reps here work just as much the same way as the ones back home. I have no idea why they would work differently, perhaps because of the lack of mention? Or perhaps I was too naive and thought perhaps after being pounded with all that crappy ethics stuff we might become weird enough to not even be tempted by anything? LOL.

Lady from the renting company told me to check back by Oct and hopefully there should be two rooms for rent by then. Sigh. I don't want to wait till then. All the uncertainty is rather frustrating. On the other hand, turns out a classmate of mine is still looking for flatmates but I daren't really approach her yet simply because I don't want to end up not being able to deliver on a promise of flatting together later. Plus I can't think of any other way to not make a promise on that though if I talk to her. Plus, no idea if I'll be able to walk around Chch later knowingly I left her high and dry. But if I don't, and if the rooms don't turn out... I suppose in the end flatting isn't something I'm very keen on anymore, especially when there's family around. Somehow it makes it rather odd. Perhaps I should set the worm on the lookout for those hire-purchase homes? :S Fingers crossed then that those rooms are good and that I get them. *naive/ stupid-person alert!!*

Having time to think about it, should I even worry that I might not be able to polish off all those stuff in the pantry? Come to think of it, I'll be having to stay until close to the last month anyway and that's still quite some time away too? Especially since most of the flatties are running super early this year *sob*. Stupid, how many people even think about such banal issues?

Made the batik cake according to the recipe that Shu gave me. Come to think of it now, where on earth did I put it? Perhaps one packet of the Marie biscuits was too much? I would have preferred more of the fudgy chocolate stuff... actually, I rather just cut it all out :P! Wonder what's the reason behind the use of Milo and cocoa powder when one can just use cocoa powder?? I think I might be actually spending too much time around Sh, her chocolate addictions must be catching or something... is it too late to be vaccinated? *hopeful look* Now that that one's down, should I ask Shu how on earth she made that ayam masak merah?

With RCA coming up and then holidays and then who knows what next, I'm starting to wonder how much more time we have left together as a group. I'm kind of glad even for the suggestion of a pig-slaughtering 'adventure' (according to a certain someone, I have a perverted morbid sense of fun -_-"'). But somehow the thought that there might be rules surrounding killing a pig is somewhat beyond me. Ok, perhaps not so. I can see perfectly reason for having it around, but I'm not really in the mood to be rational. But then I suppose then again there are always other excuses that one can come up with. Is last minute bonding counter-intuitive I wonder? Is it just setting oneself up for frustration later?

I suppose I should go over and book my return flights for the end of the year soon. I keep forgetting. Tomorrow would be a good time I guess to do so, though I keep on wondering if perhaps I should instead wait for the possibility of another specials?

Somehow I feel like I have quite some stuff to do, but I don't know what. I dropped by the library in the afternoon today, after having fixed my specs (costs 10 bucks for one pair for 'feet' for them glasses *wince*, makes me wish I'm back home) and looked around for something raincoat like. Found ponchos being sold in the 123 dollar shop, though I might get them tomorrow or never. Some other stuff that were so darn pretty and enticing (more evidence of my hoarding tendencies??) but have to keep my hands off for. *itch itch itch*!! Thinking about it makes me wonder when's best to look at how best to move as well.

Despite what she said to make it sound like she didn't mean it at the end of little 'rant' that the student was supposed to paraphrase and summarise, one cannot help but wonder that it's probably what she did think. People, deep down, probably all are agreed on the fact that you are what you are because of what you did. But for the most part, when it comes to some things, we tend to disagree vehemently simply because we know we should, simply because it's PC-friendlier to do so, simply because to avoid the label of being someone who discriminates. But I think I've let myself down too much already. Knowing that drastic actions doesn't seem to work with me, I'll just try and take it slow and build up on it. That little bit of air, that little bit of flatness I crave, will it come?

Belle is down here for a four-day holiday. Wasn't planning to really go to the food fest that OMSA is having, but then since SL can't make it any other time, it just ended up we all agreeing to meet there then. I wonder if I should tell her that Hx can be said to be officially kaput? I wonder if I should instead hide the real truth? I wonder if I should just avoid that topic altogether? Or would I be spared having to think of which one to choose by her asking instead? Sigh. I think it's time to stop feeling guilty. Pssh, easier said than done. But the heck, I think I should start listening and stop being such an idealist. Surely I'm allowed to be lousy once in a while... Does it make it not anyone's fault anymore? Read the ambiguous 'it happens'.

On the same note, I wonder why I even bother worrying about trying for tops. Everything in this screwed up course is pass and fail anyway. If no ones else is gonna give a **** about it, I'm not going to anymore. But why the heck that guy with the bow tie must be so insistent about research? I'm not a frickin' research freak like you ok? I'm, for shit's sake, a med student, not some idiot who wanna look up and collate what other people have done! I signed up for this stupid course for a totally different reason! If I want to do proper research I'll do it properly, in a proper time span that would be more than a month. This certainly puts me off wanting to apply for summer research. Though I'll probably still check out the boards anyway. At least then I wouldn't feel as bad not doing the year off.

With it being so far into the year now, I think I should stop doing groceries unless really necessary, and I mean really really, otherwise I'm going to be in trouble like last year end. And once I've done with all that disgusting flesh freezing in my freezer, I think I might give going lacto-ovo a try. How long before that can even happen I've no idea, considering how much meat to how much I usually consume. Thinking of having to chop up the beef later also makes me wanna gag. I think I need to give it some soaking first actually. How could I forget that box of gloves from last year?!

Starting on my readings for the electives again. Doing the readings, they turn out more interesting than the seminars themselves. Unless when he plays videos of course. From the one he played yesterday, it seems that dying people just get by with goal-setting, by having aims and having something to look forward to and live for. None of the people portrayed have all those crazy last minute aspirations you hear of though, like climbing such-and-such mountain. My heart hurts when I watch something like this. Not because they are dying (I did love the cute old man they featured though), but rather how long it's taking. But I'm applying my own principles of what a good death means here, rather than their own. It's nice to have some time before the last light bulb dies so that one can have time to set one's things in order, but then having to face the pain for so long, having to watch your loved ones watch you die for so long, having to live with the uncertainty for so long... *typical control freak talking??*

Okay, maybe back to my first paragraph. Can one be blamed for one's features? I never asked for chink features, I never asked to be the gender that I am. Can it be my fault? But then again, why even worry when it's something one cannot change? Or can it now? Mr Jackson is no longer black. But then what does that say about oneself when one has to change one's features so drastically? I crave pan-asian features, but that doesn't mean I don't want my typical chink face either. I'd still rather be a boy (not so desperately now), but that doesn't mean I want to give up being female either to be something that only knows how to grunt when necessary either. I love my black hair, but I would love being a red-head. Does it mean that I'm demeaning myself when I try to change my features? What does it mean when I choose to dye my hair? What would it mean if I chose to have a nose job done had I not a straight nose? Does it mean I'm demeaning my parent's as well? Perhaps if I get really desperate one day then I shall not even worry about such things and just 'do it'??

http://larafairie.deviantart.com/

Having talked a little with some friends back from high school makes me wish for old times. What I have now, I think I would rather give up for those times, if it only were possible. Some of the best times of my life were back then. Even with all those ugly class division problems and all the hurt it entailed, back when we were as a group working on our little History projects, back when we even stayed up overnight working together. And back to being around people who I know and love dearly, even though the time spent together was sometimes too short, and sometimes even when it was with persons that didn't reciprocate. Back when my enthusiasm for my uniform body and music was what I needed to get me through hard times. Having read such thoughts on a contact's blog, it's a comfort knowing that I'm not the only one here feeling as such sometimes. Easy for one to say 'live for the future', but then life isn't as easy as tossing around words, humans were never rational beings to start with.

I wonder occasionally how different things would have been if I did things back then differently? Would I still be here if I hadn't insisted that I didn't want to study back home? Would I still go on to do Med if I had insisted on my childhood dreams? Would I feel and look different today if I had chosen to not change classes back in high school? Would I have different values today had I moved over to the island earlier? Is this where stories of parallel worlds like DWJ's came from?

Thinking back to yesterday, the whole group I was in was of the opinion that the paternalistic model was the equivalent of evil, and the covenant model was the ultimate good medical practice. But then is that true? Do we think that simply because of all the info and opinions of our lecturers have been drilling into us since last year? Is this a form of coercion? We might want to speak otherwise, but then knowing what others want and expect of us, we say exactly what they want to hear. Is that what happens when a doctor gives recommendations to patients? Am I leading a coerced life? Having gone to the traditional Chinese-medium school meant that from young, age old 'Asian'/ 'Confucian' thoughts and values were pounded into my little ignorant head. Not that it's all that bad I guess, but then again I wonder how I might be like now if I had chosen to rebel and do things differently.

Why do I constantly worry about things that I needn't worry about? Simply because I want to be free and be independent, simply because I don't want to rely on others and be the little child any more. But somehow, in the mist of all that, I've bound myself down in some other ways. Can a person never be truly free? Am I knowingly going to throw myself into a future where I shall always be caged? Do I want that? I've asked that many times over, but I cannot give myself an answer. But I've gone so far now, dare I turn back? Wouldn't that just be wasting my efforts?.... But isn't that idea simply reflecting one of those little dusty proverbs that I learnt as a child? Had I learned otherwise, would I still have uttered that little question then?

And all my elective has done isn't to actually make me contemplate death or it's issues, a little perhaps, but more to think back on the ideas of symbolism. As I had posted sometime before, the word dirty is just a symbol. A word-symbol if you please, of states or things that we do not approve of. What does that make clean then? And a couple more other words which I shan't post here for fear of offending. I don't believe in an afterlife as in the conventional sense, but I do in immortality. Literally they might not make sense. But they do, if one knows that I never meant them literally anyway. But would others even realise it in the first place unless I told them?

Who can I trust? Who do I want to trust? Can one have a relationship of any kind without trust? Perhaps this is a leading question. But then against what I think and know in my head, I do. And it's a thing I've done many times over as well. And when I do, and think about it, I kick myself. And go back to doing the same thing. Smart.

Why am I even talking nonsense here I don't know...

If We Hold On Together

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I


After so many hours of sighing, waiting, sighing and more waiting, I've finally got it! I finally got this song! ^^! It was the only one out of the whole album I wanted, but I had no choice but to download the whole thing, so download it I did. Muahahaha!

Lab wasn't that great. Asked Prof Doyle about the Hangman's fracture. Turns out you die by either giving your cervical spine such a nasty shock that switches you off, or you totally transect it. Ugh. Skipped the prosections and for the first time in how many labs, I watched my group's dissection. I felt a little guilty after Alice asked if we should check up on our group's progress. Took some effort to push away thoughts of barfing, and even managed to do some sawing on the mandible. After nearly sawing off the tip of one finger, it became less of ew-I'm-sawing-a-jaw to damn-it-I'm-gonna-saw-through-this-no-matter-what-it-takes. LOL. I'm inclined to feel a little proud of myself, but considering what a sissy I had been all this while, I'll keep my gob shut. There, can my head fit in the potty now, huh? Huh??!

Target: Rawr! I want Adobe Photoshop. Once I get an upgrade from my dino, I'm gonna get my hands on a copy of the program!

Red Algae

After a week or so of cabbages, or rather, frozen cabbage, and some carrots, I thought it was time for a change. So during my last shopping trip on Friday I snapped up a swede and a pumpkin, forgetting my previous troubles with chopping up pumpkin.

I succeeded in halving the pumpkin and chopping it up yesterday night. Using the cleaver, I gave it a good twack. If the story was as simple as the pumpkin then fell apart like the pineapple in the advert for some blades that looked much like samurai swords, this post wouldn't even make it here. Using as much force as I could generate with whatever muscles I had in my upper arms, I pushed and heaved against the cleaver, hoping to get it through partway. Not a single movement. Puppy, using tried to help, but then I doubt if human hands are actually meant to be hammers in the first place. Talking about hammers, I recalled having dumped the blue ice blocks in the cupboard under the sink just then. And they were there! And they were essentially the heroes in this story. With much heaving and grunting and sighing, I finally split the darn orange thing into two. I won't speak as well of the looks I got from my flatmates, and they certainly weren't looks of admiration, more along the lines of 'Yy's gone mad/ What a cave(wo)man!!' than anything else.

I thought that would be the end of my troubles. LOL, how wrong I was. I hadn't counted on the stupid round swede to give me the same problem! ARgGhh! The swede was harder to halve than the pumpkin *faints*, a fact that I realised as soon as the cleaver went in, for the cleaver just wouldn't come out again! In the end, RJ had to tug at it while I held down the swede just to get it out. And again, blue ice block was the hero of the day. Even so, it took even longer than the pumpkin because the swede was a full block of swede goodness, while the pumpkin had a big hole in it where it stored it's seeds.

The guy working in the vegetable section in NW had suggested boiling the swede or boiling and then mashing it with carrots. But hey, aren't potatoes just boiled as well? I need potatoes for the chicken kurma I wanted to make for next week, but I don't have potatoes. You started to get my drift here? Heh heh. After testing to see how long it would take to boil a piece of swede, which wasn't too long, the rest of swede halve was cubed up and in it went along with the chicken drums to make the kurma (I did microwave the swede cubes a little though, just in case :P!). Haven't tasted it how it's like this way yet, but if plain swede was mildly sweet (and un-starchy unlike potatoes, which was why I ended up using cornflour just to thicken the whole thing) I guess it should taste good. But I doubt if I would want to cook swede again in a hurry, considering how much work it is just to cut it up.... *eeps* and I still have half a swede left to work on!

The pumpkin I curried, with some mix I came up with all the spices I had on hand, along with the belacan powder, and came out not too bad. Probably a little more dried shrimp, some ginger, and a little less pumpkin (which was sweeter than I had thought it would be) and lots less microwaving and simmering, and it would be close to what mummy's curried pumpkin is like. Needless to say I think that I shall be feeding quite happily next week ^^!